My Love that is gone.
at Saturday, July 5, 2008; 10:58 PM

I realised hw much have i sucked in this relationship, this one and a half years.
I realised maybe he, or god, is making me go through everything he has been thru.

Yes, I took too long to understand him.
Yes, I took too long to realized how much he meant to me.
Yes, I took too little time to notice him.
Yes, I'm immature.
Yes, and its totally my fault.

Tell me, why am i such a stupid woman.
Why am i thinking all this silly things, and making myself cry?
Why am i crying so badly?
Why do i find it so hard not to think abt him?
Why am i so attached to him?
Why did i not appreciate things he did for me?
Why am i so selfish?

Because it never came across my mind that he would walk out of me one fine day.

I nvr thought that one day i would wake up and not have his voice.
I nvr thought that one day i wouldn't be able to smell him again.
I nvr thought that one day he would get sick and tired of everything.
I nvr thought that one day he would stop loving me.
I nvr thought that one day, there would be no one slping beside me.

I made him changed, i thought it would have made me happier.
It did not at all, because he became someone else.
He is not longer the one i loved from the start.
In this relationship, i had stopped doing the loving for quite sometime.
I had be taking all the love i could get from him.
I hardly woke him up for sch anymore.
I hardly sms me good morning anymore.
I hardly find subjects to talk to him anymore.
I hardly make time for him anymore.
But he nvr once complained, but yet i complained so much abt him.
Abt him being irritating, abt him being not understanding.
Actually for all these times, he had been v understanding..
but i didnt realise it til later.

That's when his words: "It's too lat had killed me straight"

Yes, it's too late gerie. Too late.

My parents got sick of seeing me crying and not eating much.
They told me: What is yours, will be yours. If he loves u, he ll eventually come back to you.

Love is selfish, but love isn't the way i had let it become.
If he says that it is too late, what else can i do? i cant turn back time.
If i cant love him anymore, all i can do is wait, and wait.
Even if it takes forever, i ll wait.
I can only give u love in the form of respect, do what u want to do.
i wont be a person who will mess up ur life again.

Its the last love, i can give to you, my love.
My one and only love, Jianlun.